True gaslighting is a subtle yet powerful form of emotional abuse that chips away at your sense of reality and self-worth. It can be tricky to recognize in everyday situations, but learning to identify it is key to avoiding mental health issues including a loss of identity and mistrust of others.
Gaslighting in romantic relationships
In romantic relationships, gaslighting often stems from one partner’s desire to control the other. It could be fueled by insecurities or fear of losing the relationship. Here are some ways it can manifest.
Rewriting shared experiences
A partner might insist on a different version of past events so they have a chance to control the narrative. For instance, they could claim, “You’re misremembering our anniversary dinner—we had a wonderful time,” even when you recall it being tense and filled with arguments.
This can lead you to wonder if your memories are reliable, slowly rewriting the script of your shared life to fit their agenda.
Invalidating your emotional reality
If you express discomfort with a situation, a gaslighter might respond by saying something like “You’re acting crazy—anyone else would be thrilled about this.” By doing so, they dismiss your feelings and slowly train you to dismiss them yourself.
Over time, you might begin to suppress your emotions and question your right to feel upset or uneasy.
Cutting you off from your social circle
Gaslighters may isolate their victims to increase their dependency. They might lie and say, “Your friends are always talking behind our backs—they don’t understand us,” encouraging you to withdraw from your social network.
As you pull away from friends and family, you lose external perspectives that could validate your experiences. This makes you even more reliant on the gaslighter’s version of reality.